Marriage and Pregnancy
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How to Increase and Maintain Happiness
Health and Happiness are the two things that most people will tell you they desire most. Ask a parent what they want most for their child and they will almost always say, “I really don’t care, as long as they are healthy and happy.” Sometimes people say they want love, success or wealth, but when asked why, they think for a moment and then say because these things would make them happy. It would be funny if someone came to me looking to reinvent themself and stated, “I’m really looking for ways to be ill and miserable.” It has never happened and I expect that it never will. Reinventing yourself is always about making changes that enrich and improve your life’s experience. Anyone exploring the concept of reinventing themselves is opening up the possibility of adding more love, success, health and wealth to their lives. Usually people desire health above all else but only when they feel that it is threatened. People rarely think about health when they are young, fit, pain and disease free. The single most sought after life experience is happiness. If you made a list of the things you wished to improve in your life and then added notes alongside each item, detailing the amount of time and effort you were putting into each one, you would be greatly surprised at the lack of logic and or commitment you are applying to increasing or maintaining happiness. You may have happiness as the thing you most desire but your notes may reveal you spend 50 hours a week at your career, 10 hours housekeeping and 20 hours watching T.V. Next to the word ‘Happiness’ you may find, ‘10 minutes’ or more likely, ‘No time at all’. Have you ever even stopped to think about what it is that makes you happy? Has it ever dawned on you to actively pursue happiness? Most of us simply consider happiness to be a random act that catches us fleetingly and disappears all too soon. Happiness has fascinated me my entire life, I constantly seek it and play with it. I’m getting better at prolonging it and faster at recognizing it. Honestly, sometimes I just sit and focus on happiness until, “I bring it on”. It takes a little concentration, sometimes some memory and sometimes imagination. Practise and focus have resulted in my ability to simply decide to be happy and I remind myself to do this often. I used to wait and be surprised and delighted when something caused me to be happy until I realized I could actually get happiness without an event or situation. When happiness comes accidentally it entices us to, “be in the moment”. Most of us are mentally in a perpetual state of being in the past or future most of the time. In happiness, we pull our attention into the present moment to fully experience this great feeling. (Pain also has this ability.) I mention this, as I know that the most essential requirement for happiness is to practise, ‘Living in the present moment’. Many years ago I passed a book shop and saw the title of a book that I thought was brilliant. I don’t remember much about the book but I often think of the title as it reminds me how easy it is to be caught up in mundane things and be completely oblivious to the events in our lives. The title was: The Geranium on the Windowsill just died and the Teacher kept right on Talking. (Albert Cullum and Gerard Failly) We miss so much of our lives simply because we are not paying attention or we are not really present. Happiness is a present moment experience. A couple of my other favourite quotes, which illustrate this point, are: Life is what happens while your busy making other plans. (John Lennon) This is not a dress rehearsal – This is your life. These days will one day become the good old days. Between the wanting and the getting – Is the living. We all wait for happy events to come and find us or we sometimes actively seek out things that we believe will bring us happiness. Winning money, buying a big-ticket item, getting married, having a child, a holiday, a promotion or finding a new lover are usually considered to be happy events. Many of us spend a great amount of time, effort and money actively pursuing these things. Unfortunately these things come with a ‘Happiness expiry date’. Ironically, we often find our happiness list reverses on us at a later date. We then hear, “I’ll be happy when my divorce comes through, when I retire, when the kids leave home.” The car you once dreamed about owning is now just a costly mode of transport. Your bride has become your witch and your home is cluttered with things you long forgot you even possess. Happiness is not about having - Happiness is about being. We have all heard it before but we must constantly remind our selves, ‘Happiness comes from within’. This reminds me of a story I once heard which struck a cord with me. Back in the days of old there was a widow who worked as the towns seamstress. She made only a meagre living from her sewing and it was her only source of income. Each day the widow sat on her front porch and as the townsfolk passed they would often stop and chat as she sewed. One afternoon the widow was seen on her hands and knees crawling across the front lawn. A local man rushed up and asked in a concerned voice, “Why are you on your hands and knees?” The widow explained that she had lost her only needle and without the needle she would be unable to work. The man decided to get down with her and help her look for the needle but after a few minutes he realized that it was late in the day and soon there would not be enough light to see. He hurried away to find other people to come and help with the search. The widow was well liked and respected in the village and soon there was a large group of people joining in the search. As the sun was about to set the concerned man asked the widow, “Can you just stop for a moment and think back to where you last had the needle?” “Sure,” said the widow “I was sitting inside at the kitchen table sewing a fine piece of cloth.” “Inside?” asked the man. “Yes, inside!” she repeated. Not meaning to offend but being completely flabbergasted the man exclaimed, “Are you completely mad woman?” She looked at him quizzically and he went on, “If you last had the needle inside the house then why were you searching for it outside on the lawn?” and he added, “Why have all the towns people searching outside for what you lost inside?” The widow took a moment to answer and then stated in a gentle voice. “Sir I have sat on my porch for many years and in those years I have engaged in many conversations with most of the townsfolk. I too have wondered the same thing, Why is it that you all come to me, looking outside of yourselves, for what you have lost inside?” Happiness is internally generated not externally manufactured. Happiness is not a tonic with a recipe; I cannot give you a list of things to do to guarantee your happiness. Some people seem to never be happy, no matter what and yet other people are just filled with joy for the simplest reasons. Most of the time I am happy for no particular reason at all other than the fact that I choose to be. There are two basic principles that I do consider to be imperative: One; is actively pursue, maintain, expand and share happiness. Two; is minimize, eliminate and repel unhappiness. Happiness or unhappiness is usually a habit. For me there are certain things, which always bring me joy, and there are other things that I have learned to repel as I have learned and paid attention to what works for me and what doesn’t. You will need to create your own awareness and decide what commitment you are willing to make to tilt your balance. The most important aspect of happiness is to choose what thoughts you will entertain and which thoughts you will dismiss. Health Your mind, body and spirit are connected and if one aspect is out of balance, the others will be affected. Keeping your body healthy will greatly improve your mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. Sunshine not only has physical health benefits but also can greatly affect our moods. Spend just ten minutes a day outside and have sunshine on your skin. It is also recommended to take off sunglasses and allow light into your eyes. Other things that I know to bring me happiness; Meditation, allows me to feel a gentle, quiet, centred and serene. Music can sometimes lift me to a height that is almost blissful. Love: I have felt so much love at times I thought my body had become translucent. I feel a rush of joy when I see my son. When I smell freshly bathed babies or freshly mown lawn. I love sunshine on my skin when the weather has been cold and cool breezes when the weather is hot, I love the smell and feel of the ocean. Dancing or energetic movement. Long baths. Concerts, movies or theatre. Sitting in parks or gardens. Driving fast with loud music playing. Open fires and drinking wine with great people. Comedy, especially if it is clever as well as funny. Good food. Sex, lust and loving. Spending time with people I love. Thrill seeking – like parachute jumps or rapid rafting. The above list is only a small list of things that I find brings me happiness; many things can bring me happiness. It’s good to be aware of your list, as there are some days when you really do need to reach out and grab something. The secret though, is to practice being happy without stimulation. Eliminate what you hate. This is going to sound a little obvious but it’s amazing when you get down to it, just how much grief you may be hanging onto without ever giving it any serious thought at all. “How much of your time, emotion and energy are you wasting on maintaining things that make you unhappy?” Some people spend their entire working life in jobs that are almost soul destroying. Many people stay in relationships that are physically, mentally and emotionally draining. We may have friends, colleagues, neighbours or relatives that simply, ‘drive us crazy’ and yet we maintain them.Pages: [1] 2 3 4